It's every burritophile's nightmare. You're getting a mid-morning start to a road trip, you've gone to a taqueria right before you left, asked them to double-wrap it in aluminum foil, and kept it in a sunny spot in the car for two hours in the hope that it will stay warm as you rocket through the countryside. Right around lunchtime when your urge to have a burrito is peaking, you take it out, take your first bite, and...luke-cold at best. You've done this ten times, and it's just never hot. You're depressed.
If you're like me, you've probably tried any number of ways to keep that burrito hot. I'll save you some time and share some techniques that didn't work. Please note that these are all bad methods , and they don't work. I am presenting these cautionary notes to save you time and effort:
1) Open the hood of your car, put the burrito on the radiator. Drive. This one seems promising, especially if the radiator boils over, giving your slab a welcome steaming. Sadly, practicalities get in the way. Your burrito can fall off the radiator and be eviscerated by the timing belt; carne asada is tasty but does nothing to help keep your pistons lubed. Also, that steaming? Coolant-flavored guacamole has been known to induce vomiting.
2) When you stop, park in the sun. Put the burrito on the hood of your car and hope that the reflected heat will get it hot. Nice try. This one didn't work in Fresno. I'm not even sure if it would work in Kuwait.
3) Take your cold burrito to the closest McWendyKing and ask to use their oven. Dude, McWendyKings don't have ovens. And don't even talk to me about the deep fryer; that's just gross.
4) Take your cold burrito to Taco Bell and ask to use their steamer. Please. There are no steamers at Taco Bell.
5) Use your cold burrito as a weapon against overly-aggressive drivers. This is a surprisingly satisfying option. If your burrito is well-constructed, though, it might cause broken windows or other serious damage instead of just leaving a satisfying stain. If you're willing go burritoless and have that damage on your conscience, go ahead. But don't say I didn't warn you.
6) Give up, cry in frustration, shake your fist at the heavens, scream like Charlton Heston. While I support anything having to do with the original Planet of the Apes, this doesn't solve your problem.
If you've gone through all that (and even if you haven't), we're happy to present a technique that keeps your burrito off-the-grill toasty for quite a while. It's a surprisingly simple solution that requires five things:
1) A burrito from your favorite local taqueria. If you don't know where to go, here's a handy guide.
2) A brick
3) A cooler (I favor 99 cent styrofoam jobs from 7-11)
4) A small towel
5) An oven
Preheat your oven to 300 degrees. Put the brick in the oven and heat for thirty minutes. When you get back with your burrito, wet the dishtowel and wring it out. It should be damp but not dripping.
Take the brick out of the oven (use a hot mitt or potholder) and wrap it in the damp towel. Put the toweled brick in the bottom of the cooler, then add the burrito. Cap the cooler with the cooler top, take it out to your car, and drive off.
This simple solution will keep your burrito warm and comfortable for at least two hours. If you do give this a shot and it works for a longer time, please write in and tell us about it. Or send pictures. Of yourself and the burrito, please...keep the dirty stuff to yourself.
Kudos to my dad, who came up with this trick back in 2002, allowing a poor New York burritophile to eat a hot one from Los Charros while on the way from Oakland to Bear Valley. Thanks, dad!
